Why as a Christian I can't accept disability

One thing I've wrestled with is how I accept Emma's disability while still believing and hoping for an outcome that goes above and beyond what medical doctors consider 'possible'.

The truth is I can't accept Emma's disability.

I love and accept my daughter but I do not love or accept the disability that limits her.

Why? Because God doesn't love or accept her disability either.

How could I believe in a loving, gracious God and also believe he is responsible for pain, suffering and disability? I believe that God is exactly who he says he is in his word (the bible). He is good. He is loving. He is kind. He is faithful. He is sovereign, all-powerful and has overcome the world. He has the power to bring change, to heal and work all circumstances for good. But just because he can bring good things out of disability (and all of life's challenges) it doesn't mean he loves and accepts disability in the same way he loves us as sinners but doesn't love or accept our sin. 

It's not who he is. He is perfect. He is good. 

There are times when I feel sorry for myself, get angry at God and imagine the worst possible outcome which is her lifelong dependence on me. Each time I've allowed those negative thoughts to escalate I've become exhausted and discouraged. If I accepted her disability it would mean staying in that place. I don't like it there. It's scary and lonely and well, hopeless. 

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" - Proverbs 13:12

If we accept disability we accept defeat. How can we fight for our child if we're already defeated?

The bible says "We are more than conquerors...".

A wise person said to me once that every prayer and every therapy is a fight for Emma. Her encouragement was to keep fighting and never give up. We fight because there is hope! 

We can't always choose our circumstances but we can always choose our response.

I choose not to accept defeat and give up. I choose to fight.

I  choose to be positive everyday - even the days when I feel like my heart might break.

I choose to trust God believing that "his ways are higher than my ways".

I choose not to allow negative thoughts and bitterness to consume me because if I give them a foothold they will. I have to take those thoughts captive and replace them with promises from God's word.

I choose to hope against hope that one day my daughter will live a full life.

Having said all that, I do accept one thing - I accept where we are at today but I continue to hope and pray for a better future. 

Be encouraged xo

Introducing Recovering Emma

Our heart is to see our daughter with special needs reach her full potential.  

We want to see her live a life not limited by her diagnosis but in the fullness of all God has planned for her.

The word 'recover' means to return to a normal state of mind, health and strength. 

Emma's name means to be 'whole' and 'complete'.

This blog is a way we can keep a personal record of Emma's progress and offer encouragement and hope to other parents on similar journeys along with the therapists / teachers that support them.

The field of neuroplasticity reveals the brain has been designed in such a way that it can change and heal itself. There is hope. 

In my work in disability, I've seen neuroplasticity at work. I've seen children with autism recovered after being told their prognosis was life-long. I've also seen children improve way beyond expectation with the commitment and dedication of loving parents. I'm so thankful to know these amazing families and to have this insight. Sharing their journey has made my journey a little easier.

After years of research I have shared our 'recovery diet' on the page What we do.

Information I will blog about include:

• Prayer & Faith

I trust that God is in control.  Whilst sickness and disability is not from him he is able in his sovereignty to "work all things together for good". Ultimately God gets the glory for Emma's healing and I'm in awe of the little miracles along the way, how he has comforted us in our grief, strengthened us in our weakness and lead me to discover the things that will help put her back together again. 

"With man, many things are impossible...but with God ALL things are possible"
 Matthew 19:26

• Biomed / Natural Medicine

At a basic level, if we want brains to work we need to make sure they are getting the nutrition they need and not filling them with stuff that impairs function. Topics I'll write about include nutrition, GAPS, diet, supplements and alternative therapies that have worked for us.

• Home based Therapy 

I plan to blog about our neurodevelopmental program and activities we do at home, music therapy, sensory diets, latest research with some home education information thrown in too.

I will also post videos so you can see what we do! 

If any of these topics interest you please subscribe to this blog or follow our recovering Emma facebook page.  

Thanks for your support as you journey with us! xo