This is Emma.
She is a child of God - a joy, a delight and deeply loved.
I have never spoken about this widely because, let's be honest, telling a story that challenges people's firmly held narrative on the safety of vaccines doesn't really win friends.
There are many people close to us who don't know this part of our story.
But, now is the time......
Emma was 15 months old when she was brain damaged from a vaccine.
Obviously, I was not anti-anything when I walked into that doctor's office.
I believed I was doing the right thing, the responsible thing, the good thing.....
But, I wasn't. At least, not for Emma.
I had been told the risks were minimal; adverse reactions: rare.
No one warned me that rare things happen to real people.
No one warned me that it could happen to me: to my child.
And, when it did happen - the silence was deafening.
Doctor's were cold and dismissive.
Only one specialist acknowledged it was caused by the vaccine and had seen this before but wasn't allowed to discuss it.
I was left completely alone to figure out how and why this happened.
I searched online and discovered communities of people with similiar experiences.
People call them anti-vaxxers.
But, in my experience, they were just people like me...
... real people with real stories.
Eerily similar stories.
Voices get loud and people tend to get angry when someone they love gets hurt.
We adore Emma and trust in God's sovereignty, but it has been hard to reconcile that her disability was caused by a vaccine that we, by choice, administered.
For years, I couldn't look at her baby photos as the guilt of my decision was overwhelming.
Why had I trusted so blindly? Why hadn't I asked more questions?
Why hadn't I responded to the quiet whisper that told me not to go to that appointment?
That was the hardest one to work through.
Today, there is acceptance and peace about Emma's disability.
But, sometimes I still feel sad.
Occassionally, I feel overwhelmed that my child's body will continue to grow into a teenager and an adult and yet, her mind is frozen in time - forever, a baby.
My baby.
It's important to know that I'm not angry.
But, because of our story, I will passionately defend people's right to choose.
Where there is a risk - there must be a choice.
No one should be coerced by fear, bullied, threatened or forced to comply with anything that may cause themselves or their children harm.
We must be free to measure the risks.
We must be free to listen to the quiet whisper of our own conscience.
We must remember - Rare things happen to real people.
There must be freedom of choice.
